Praised

Success!
Applause roars from the throats of loved ones
A beam of sunshine stretches across your face,
The pride of a dozen lions bursts from the depths and basks in golden praise
Confidence is rising,
Strength is returning,
Happiness is pursuing
But what’s that?
It’s rising,
Building,
Towering over you like a thousand story skyscraper
It looms over everyone,
Covering those remaining with shadows
What is it?
People scream and run,
Others cower away and hide
For it has grown far beyond the limits from praise.
It’s my ego.

Praise

Giving in – Revenge

You crave Revenge,
Is the two-second adrenaline bliss worth it?
Here it comes,
Flashing like lightning,
Red, violet, black
Pictures cross your mind,
Double take,
Must you obey your thoughts?
The fire builds inside,
Too intense to stop the craving
Slow motion.
Booming like thunder,
Don’t, Don’t, DON’T
But it’s too late.
Regret.

Craving

Flippant

So, today I’m doing some required summer reading/vocabulary stuff and I learned a new word.  That word was flippant. I realized that I am flippant. I feel bad about being so flippant towards my parents! I always push them away, and I am so snappy when I respond to them. It’s funny how this summer I am learning how to be more aware and mindful of my surroundings (my school even has regular mindfulness activities that we are required to take part of!), yet I am very impatient and ignorant.

I really hope that after learning that I am flippant, I will slowly start to change my ways. I really do often regret what I say sometimes, like I always lay awake at night thinking about the “teenage-angst” things I’ve done towards my parents and feel pretty bad. I wonder sometimes, what do my parents think of me? Do my parents think that I’m a good child? Am I significantly better than my sister who goes to counseling every now and then, or am I just as problematic? I really hope that they think I’m a good kid in general…

Sometimes, I think about what would happen at my graduation party when my parents go up to speak about my childhood to the moment I graduated. Will they say that I was a great child just for the sake of all the family around, or will they genuinely say that they loved every moment of my childhood? Hopefully, the second one.

I’m going to try to avoid making flippant remarks from now on! Unless I need to…but only towards someone who shows a lack of respect to me first!

Apology

The mistake is done.
The interrogation is over,
Overflowing like the tissues in the can.
You see your mistake.
You live with your mistake.
You have accepted the outcome.
But you wonder,
The mistake.
An accident or natural fate?
What the future holds,
Is an apology.
The apology breaks free from the demon in your soul and bursts from the depths of your heart…
To the people that were hurt.
The tears of the past become present,
And flow into the future before you.
The apology…
It’s pure yet timid,
Hoping for belief of it’s purity.
Waiting for acceptance,
Trust,
And forgiveness.
Whatever the future holds,
The forgiveness should follow.

<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/apology/”>Apology</a&gt;

Vanilla

What is wrong with mom?? Not only is she emotionally abusing me, but feels she needs to push the fact that I got into That School.  Ok, I get it, I got in! Yay. But I don’t care what you want; I have personal goals that I set for myself and I have control over my own life. I don’t need to be redirected down another life path to suit your wishes. My mother is so annoying, she keeps looking at me and swinging her legs like a child. Why? I don’t know what her problem is but she’s definitely got one.
Not only that, she keeps commenting on my physical appearance. I don’t care if I have a ton of pimples or am physically bigger than my sister. Yeah ok maybe I care a little, but those are my personal problems not yours, so therefore, it is none of your business. I never like to comment on others’ physical appearances because it’s very rude and I never want something like that to happen to me. If someone really wants to make a point to tell me what they dislike about my physical appearance, then they should say it out loud in front of everyone. I don’t care! It’s not their business and the only reason why they’d be doing that is for the benefit for themselves. They’re obviously jealous about something that I’ve accomplished that they haven’t. Maybe they are just upset with me and the only come-back they can think of is a snarky comment on my appearance. Whatever, it just shows how childish they can be and how that won’t do justice to anyone.
My mother is one of them. She wanted to go to That School when she was younger but she was never bright enough to go. It’s not surprising really. She always likes to point out my pimples, whenever I get a whole breakout and says that something like that never happened to her. I don’t care! The only reasons why I’m getting these is that I’m being stressed constantly about going to That School, I’m getting home later, and I’m going to bed late. Part of this really is your fault. Mother also likes to point out that I’m physically bigger than Ashley or “why are your friends so skinny any you’re not?” Well, it hurts. It shouldn’t, but sometimes things like this hurt because people have mental battles with themselves and society is controlling peoples’ paradigms. I have a mental battle with my self every single day when I look in the mirror or even when I am at school, and I don’t want to be reminded about it at home by the people that are supposed to love and accept me no matter what. Yes physical appearances and looks shouldn’t matter that much, but self-acceptance is hard to achieve when the people you love are people who kill your self esteem and are constantly judgmental.
My advice for future me is to embrace yourself and to love yourself even if no one else does. I am perfect and I don’t need people in my life constantly correcting me on my opinions or choices. Being happy is also a big key to self-acceptance, and if there is someone in your life at the moment or even all the time, then you should cut them off and stop talking to them all together because they’re just holding you back from your full potential. I am always going to encounter people like my mom who are annoyingly judgmental and I will always have one person in my life at the moment who feels the need to comment on my physical appearance in a rude way.
Any comment on my physical appearance shouldn’t matter. Looks aren’t everything and they certainly aren’t important. I may not be ‘perfect’ in your eyes, but in mine, I’m more than perfect, I’m beautiful.

Sour

Jeez, why is dad so sour today?? He always puts on an attitude around Popo and Gung Gung. It’s like an, “I’m a professional and I know what I’m doing, oh you don’t know what anything is mom/dad let me correct you with an defensive and annoyed tone.” Every. Single. Week. He acts like this and it’s so dumb and hurtful! He always acts like he’s smart and it’s so weird because he acts so cocky and ends up being really mean. Then after his spiel of being mean and cocky everything seems to make him mad then he gets so agitated at everyone. It’s like how mom acts clueless or “curious” around other people, and let me tell you, that’s also INSANELY ANNOYING!! I guess that’s literally describing the difference between the genders right there. Men, stupid and so cocky to prove that they are always right, women, act dumb to somehow act endearing. Honestly though, I am a genius for being so aware of this right now! I wouldn’t have done it without my idiotic, sterotipical gender based parents. Man, they are so old school if you think about it, like back then men were always the dominant ones and women shrank back and were supposed to have polite mannerisms. Now women are obviously making a comeback to being the more dominant gender. But back to my point, DAD IS AN IDIOT WHO HAS A SERIOUS PROBLEM WITH CONSTANTLY BEING RIGHT AND GETTING ANGRY OR AGITATED WHEN OTHERS TRY TO SAY SOMETHING OTHERWISE!!!! Ok right there it sounds like I’m the one with the anger issues, but I assure you that it’s him. Also my mother is a full-blown idiot who acts a certain way around people as well, she just wants to act sweet but it’s not, it really isn’t. I am not ok, to be frank. I guess Ashley and I are both problematic, but I don’t believe that Ashley has a problem, I believe that she just has a different mindset and is heavily influenced by the media. That’s also a problem with young people these days, we are too impressionable and maybe a bit too influenced by media (which can be a good and a bad thing). You know, Ashley also has a different persona around others too, she acts shy and does that stupid giggle around people. She also acts really childish around Gung Gung and Popo, she also makes a stupid face when she sees like people we know (you know what I’m talking about, that “shy” face where her eyebrows are “worried” and she tilts her chin down but looks up… Ugghh I hate when Ashley acts up around people). Do I act up around people? I probably do, and it annoys me too, I’m sure I have a problem with being accepted and liked among people and that’s the reason for acting differently…. But at least I have a problem/reason! Mom and Dad are just literally brain dead and unaware of their actions, and Ashley is just too over-influenced by media (she acts so Tumblr is you think about it, maybe? I don’t know, but she’s definitely not the sister I used to have). I’m glad I’m making a point to write this stuff down because this will come in handy for explaining later.